Writer’s Note: this post was taken from my personal blog. This post talk’s about a situation from the Kamen Rider Series: Gaim.
I’ve been trying to get a rein in my anger/frustration since last night due to situations piling up that I had to explode in crying fits (thankfully) when I was already at home.
The feeling of being ignored. The feeling of being the only one trying to understand everyone else but when it’s your turn no one tries to. The feeling where it’s just easier to hate people just because they’ll let you down regardless of what you do. The feeling that at the end of the day, no one will even go so far as to do the amount of level of understanding you go for others.
I know it’s selfish and immature to think like this. In the swirl of all my emotions I do see the point where I can look back and just shake my head at how childish I acted.
But that is later, this is now.
For the meantime, I’d allow myself the moment to let my emotions settle on where I am standing. To accept everything I am feeling and throw it at the Lord. It is my means of relying on His loving kindness and His grace so that I can let it all go to Him and move on with my life.
It definitely is so easy to just hate and burn everything around you in a fit of carrie-like rage and mayhem. However, I have been reminded, funnily enough by episode 40 of Gaim. When Kouta was being forced to believe that the world will hate him, his decisions to move forward, regardless of what happens to him is something he has accepted – that he has no regrets in the decision he has made.
Even if the world hates him, even if humanity turns it’s back on him, even after all the sacrifices he has made for them to be saved. It doesn’t matter to him, because he was able to accomplish his goal. I on the hand is reminded why I am who I am. Why I should continue on with who I am as a person, learning, growing and trying my best to understand people at where they are. People who I come in contact with, regardless of someone doing the same to me.
This is how the Lord has made me. Even if it hurts, I’ll continue on.
Maybe in the future I can say things like this…. (of course putting things in it’s proper context).
And definitely. I will be alright because the Lord’s there with me. Holding my hand when no one else would as is always been the case with me and my walk.
But right now, I have to deal with this wave of negative emotions, of all this hurt and rage that I know. If I linger longer will eventually destroy me and everything that I have held dear.
As always, even up to now, between me and God. Putting all my trust in Him, even if no one has my back.
Moving forward to now.
As I look back at this post. I can now completely say with confidence that the Lord has sustained me. I may have shot myself on the foot at how I saw my future self after reading this. Because, I’m not shaking my head out of embarrassment or even a hint of disdain. I am actually happy to be reminded of this situation because I know how the Lord ended this part of my life. And his way of fixing things when I felt this way is more than complete that it sustained me through that rough patch of my life.
The Lord indeed is merciful, and the Lord indeed really made me look hard into how I see my life.